When our children reached 12 years old it was time to transplant the seedlings into the garden. Our 12 year olds were never teenagers to us – they were young (very young!) adults. Between the ages of 12 and 18 we gave our growing adults more and more responsibilities and privileges as they were ready for them. Because of the work we had done earlier, our 12 year olds were confident in most situations, whether it was a night of babysitting or a week at scout camp.
During these years between 12 and 15, we tried hard to instill into our growing adults what it meant to be a mature adult: a personal relationship with their Lord Jesus Christ, a servant’s heart, a willingness to take responsibility for their own actions, a knowledge that at times they may be asked to sacrifice themselves for the sake of others. It was a growing experience for ourselves as parents also as we tried to teach these values by example – we couldn’t teach our young people to do anything that we weren’t willing and able to do ourselves.
Our 12 to 15 year olds didn’t learn these values only by our example, though. They also had the benefit of observing others – both real people and fictional characters became role models. One of the benefits of carefully selecting the adults our children would spend time with at church, in the neighborhood and in organizations like scouts was that they spent time with other adults that were worthy role models. These were people who were living the values we were trying to instill in our young people, and we are always grateful to them for the influence they’ve had on our family’s lives! We also held up fictional heroes for our children – heroes are larger than life and inspire a child or adult to attempt great things. Reading good literature does more than make an impressive entry on a college transcript. Reading good literature enlarges a life.
Each learning experience built on the next, until by around 15 years old those growing adults were able to take on adult responsibilities in controlled circumstances. This is the age when our children got their first jobs, went on mission trips, and organized social times with their friends. Our oldest son was part of a trip to New York City and enjoyed youth group retreats; our daughter went on mission trips to Appalachia and volunteered at our local public library; our younger boys are involved in scouting activities that have them involved in camping and service projects and regularly have a group of their friends over to our house on a Saturday afternoon to play games.
Dating, which is a huge time and energy investment for most people this age, became a non-issue in our family. We encourage our young people to involve their friends in group activities and to put off one-on-one dating until at least college. They appreciate how they are able to avoid the “drama” of broken hearts and broken relationships at this age, and we are encouraged as we see them waiting until they are older to give their hearts away.
But at the same time that our young people are establishing themselves in the world, we are all too aware that they are newly-transplanted seedlings facing their first experiences in the garden. Just like a gardener keeps a careful eye on the weather, we keep a careful eye on our young people’s environments. It not only matters that they are working, but where they are working, and with whom. It not only matters that they participate in our church’s youth group, but who the leaders are and what they are teaching. It not only matters that they welcome their friends into our home, but what they are planning to do and how they are organizing the event. Just like a gardener keeps a cover handy when frost threatens, we keep ourselves available with help and advice – and celebrated each time we realize we are needed less.
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